Review of The Lord Palace soapy massage in Bangkok, Thailand

Bangkok is a pretty big city. A lot of farang never leave Sukhumvit, Khao San Road or maybe Patpong, but there’s a whole lot of stuff out there. Just like most farang never leave the areas I just mentioned, most Thai guys never go to places like Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy. Instead they stick to cheap brothels, online girls and soapy massage parlors. Asian guys from places like Singapore also like soapy massage parlors. Normally these guys know where the good stuff is, so I pay attention to where they play.

I’ve already written about soapy massage parlors in Thailand. The Lord in Huay Kwang is one of the biggest and the best in the country.

The Lord in Bangkok

The Lord looks like a five star hotel or mansion from outside. Lots of people pass it every day and probably have no clue what’s going on inside. You can walk right up to the big doors in front but most people arrive by car. Like I said, a lot of guys with money come to The Lord.

The interior matches the outside. It is really nice inside. It looks like a five star hotel in Macau or yet another “high end” Bangkok mall.

There are all kinds of people inside. The waitresses look pretty good in their short skirts. A house band plays in the corner. Some mamasans and papasans also roam around in their formal uniforms looking for people to guide.

There is a group of seats over by the band with tables. From there you can order a drink, listen to the music, talk to a mamasan or scope out the barbie dolls posted in some elaborate chairs around a circle in the middle of the room. These chicks look like Thai models out of Maxim from the seating area. Up close they have a few flaws but there’s nothing major out of whack. Most of them have have their noses and tits done to bring them in line with the Thai idea of beauty. Maybe I’m turning Thai, because they look damn good to me.

Chicks at The Lord

You can call a chick over to sit with you before you decide anything at The Lord. That gives you a chance to get to see up her close and feel her out. They aren’t exactly like girlfriends but they are good for the service provider role.

There are some other chicks including some real models that word at The Lord too. You have to ask one of the mamas to book an appointment with them. Sometimes their schedules are filled for days on end. It’s pretty crazy, but it’s all understandable once you see them.

Anyway, after you check a chick out you can book a room. Some foreigners hate The Lord because it charges more for farang than Thai or Asian customers. It is definitely prejudicial but what are you going to do? I’m not protesting pussy.

It costs 4000 Baht to get a room with one of the chicks from the circle. That’s about $120 American right now, which means it is still reasonable. The price goes up for two women, but it doesn’t double. I can’t figure that out, but I consider it value for money. Surprisingly, the chicks often work together pretty well at The Lord too.

Full service happy ending

After you pay for a room, one of the waitresses guides you down long carpeted halls into one of the rooms. The rooms are very nice. They could fit in any five star hotel. They have big king size beds and large separate bathrooms with big tubs that are great for soaking in with two model quality Thai chicks. I love to see their big fake balloons float while they soap me from head to toe.

Usually a soak is followed by sex. Another big surprise is that the chicks at The Lord aren’t starfish. They are pretty good in every way and most of them even suck without a condom. That’s really rare at soapy massage parlors anywhere in Thailand. I don’t think The Lord ladies would get into anything out of the norm, but for regular sex they are at least as good as any massage parlor chick back in the west.

The Lord also has some special VIP style rooms that are bad ass. They look like something out of Scarface or Pablo Escobar’s mansion with big tile hot tubs and lots of places to have fun. I guess there’s a coffee shop inside too since I see signs for it, but I’ve never actually seen it. Not that I’ve been looking. Who needs a latte when you have your face buried in a Milkshake?

The farang tax and a few mamasans asking for tips once in a while doesn’t take away from everything else. The Lord is a great place. In many visits I haven’t really been able to find anything wrong with the place. Go go bars now end up costing thousands and thousands of Baht just to take a chick to a short time hotel for a quick bang. The Lord lets you relax in style at a price that ends up being less sometimes.

That’s the review. The bad news is that the place has closed since I wrote this review. The official reason was something about using water in the wrong way. I don’t know the actual reason the place was put out of business.