Thailand is known as the Land of Smiles but it would be just as fair to call it the land of massage. Legitimate massage parlors are most common and may or may not offer happy endings. The oily massage parlors that I recently described in detail are more common than soapies and they offer guaranteed happy endings for anyone smart enough to open a door and play along. Soapy massage parlors aren’t very common but in the eyes of many they are the very best.

Most soapy massage parlors take up whole complexes that resemble large hotels or casinos. There are a few exceptions. Annie’s off of Sukhumvit Soi 2 which caters more to falangs is a smaller place. The others are mainly patronized by Thai guys with money and Asian businessmen from countries like Japan, Korea and China. Western guys are always welcome but some places charge a falang tax of up to 1000 Baht.

The Fishbowl

The main object of the soapy massage complexes is the “fish bowl.” It’s called that because it looks like a fish bowl except that Thai women are seated inside rather than a bunch of inbred goldfish. Rows of benches are situated behind clear or mirrored glass. Women sit on the benches. Customers can look at them and then make a choice. Each woman wears a number so the customer can easily indicate the lady they’re interested in. A few places have different color buttons on the women that represent different price ranges.

Some guys make a big deal of the process, walking back and forth like they’re looking for a piece of jewelery to take home to mom. Others are so nervous they look like they’re terrified. Some talk to the mamasans and papasans to find a woman who will meet their requirements. I just go through the process nonchalantly when I take someone from the fish bowl at all.

What I mean by that is that the women in the fish bowl are usually the least attractive among all the women in the place. They are good at doing the soapy body to body massages that soapies are famous for but they tend to be lower in the look department than some of the other women like models and sideliners.

Not every place has models but the ones that do keep them separate from the women in the fish bowl. Sometimes they’re seated in a different area. Sometimes they have their own floors. Some that are labeled things like “super models” may have appeared in a Thai magazine or television show at some point in the past. A session with a model required a lot more than a session with a woman from the fish bowl. A session with a so-called super model can cost as much as 10000 Baht. A session with a lady from the fish bowl can be as little as 2000 Baht.

Sideliners

Many places also have so-called sideliners. These are women that do not sit behind the fish bowl but don’t meet the criteria to be considered models either. That doesn’t mean they aren’t beautiful. The most attractive women tend to be found amongst the sideliners in some places. Sideliners are free to come and go as they please and the cost of their services can vary. They usually don’t know how to do the soapy body slide but that’s not a big deal anyway, especially after you’ve had it a few times already.

Mamasans and papasans will usually try to push westerners towards the fish bowl and sometimes they’ll even jack up the prices and put the difference in their pocket. I get around this by knowing the going rate and the way the place works before I visit. If I sense anything is off I simply walk out. There are tons of soapies around and they’re usually not far from one another.

Bangkok

Bangkok has the biggest concentration of soapies. Pattaya has a few and there are some others around but the biggest and best are right in the capital where you’d expect them to be, close to the money and the power.

The big beautiful places have some really great rooms that could fit into any four star hotel (except for the bath and wet play area) but there are a few exceptions here too. Some places look like dumps inside even though they look nice outside.

What goes on in a soapy massage parlor?

What goes on in the actual room should be obvious to anyone reading this website. The girl gives you a wash in a bath tub, then she covers a mattress with warm soapy water, lays you on it, covers her body is soap suds and slides up and down against you. After that she dries you off, takes you to a bed, gives you a short massage that feels like nothing, then straps up and does the deed.

Some things can vary. For instance the woman might suck you off a little in the tub or she might even blow you to completion there. Women from the sidelines may not do the soapy slide at all. Some women go straight to the sex. It all depends and things can and do deviate from the script. Some ladies get their customers off once. Others do it twice. The girlfriend experience is rare. The porn star experience isn’t too common either.

The women

The women at soapies tend to be closer to the Thai and generally Asian standard of beauty which means taller and with whiter skin, higher noses and bigger boobs than the average. Many of the women in soapy massage parlors have had cosmetic surgery. Few speak English.

Payment is made all at once either before or after the deed is done. The soapies are professional set ups with cashiers that look like check in desks at major hotels. Credit cards are usually accepted but they can charge a convenience fee of up to 3 percent. The name of the soapy massage parlor usually doesn’t show up on the credit card statement. Instead they use a restaurant name. Tips aren’t required and most Asian customers wouldn’t even consider giving them. Some Western guys do because they either feel they are deserved or are stuck in the way things work in their homelands. Total cost can range from the equivalent of 60 to 600 US dollars depending on what all is purchased. A quick session with a standard staff girl usually costs less than 100 dollars worth of Thai Baht.

Karaoke rooms and full on restaurants are available in many of the bigger soapy complexes as these are places where countless business deals are done. Thus is the way of the East in the realm of dealing and money making.

In the future I’ll list and review a lot of soapy massage parlors in Thailand.