Today I am going to tell you about the fake restaurant that is really a brothel. This place is located in northern Thailand. And it is not even unique. There are actually a couple of these joints in Thailand and some other countries in the region too.
These soup selling fronts look quiet and unassuming. They usually have just one little sign or banner that says something like “Soup” or “Noodles.” That way the can pretend to be restaurants. But they are actually brothels.
Does that sound crazy to you? It might if you expect all the prostitution in Thailand to go down on Soi Cowboy and Soi 6 where they have big flashing lights or women standing in the streets in bikinis. But most of Thailand isn’t like that. It’s all about face in the land of smiles. More important than what you do is who knows what you are doing.
Hidden in plain sight
The fact is that most prostitution in Thailand isn’t even seen by most foreigners who go there. It’s set up for Thai guys and that is who finds it. With the exception of the big flashy soapy massage parlors, these places want to stay under the radar. It eliminates complaints from local wives and keeps local husbands from getting busted. No one wants to see their high school teacher walking into a place that says “GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS.” But who cars if they see him coming out of a noodle shop?
It probably helps for the women who work there too. No one would bat an eye at a woman walking into a random street restaurant. In fact they wouldn’t notice at all. But a woman dolled up and walking into The Lord might draw some attention from the local motorbike taxi maniacs. Word gets around fast in Thailand. The rumor mill flies and next thing you know the guy with the buffalo across the street from your grandma’s sister knows you are selling pussy.
The soup shop brothel
I first found out about the soup shop brothel from a Thai friend of mine. He was joking about something and it came up in conversation. I asked if he was serious. He said yeah and even drove me past the spot to show me. Now I had been down that street many times and never even noticed the place. The only indication it even existed was a small white banner with a picture of soup on it and a few words in Thai script.
I said “let’s go in.” But he said he didn’t want to though not in any kind of ill willed way. I think he just wasn’t into in. At least not at that moment and with me by his side. Understandable. So I didn’t push the issue. Though you know I made a mental note of the place and promised myself to go in on my own later.
I still remember the first time I tried to visit the place. I walked up to the door and found it locked. So I knocked lightly. No one answered. It was day time so I figured they didn’t open yet. Wrong. Just as a I turned around a chubby old Thai lady came out. She asked what I want. I said I wanted to see the women. She said they didn’t have women and told me it was a soup shop. I said oh okay, so I will have some soup. Then she said we don’t have any soup.
I have to admit that looking back on the situation now is an exercise in pure comedy gold. I laugh every time I think back on the situation. I mean this could come right out of a hilarious movie script.
Her: What do you want?
Her: We don’t have women. This is a restaurant.
Me: Oh okay. So I will take some food.
Her: We don’t have food.
At the time though I didn’t find it that funny. Instead I was flabbergasted by the ridiculousness of what went down. Then I realized “This is Thailand” and smiled. She smiled back and we parted ways. But not forever. I was coming back and checking this brothel out one way or another.
Farang man returns
A couple of weeks later I ran into my friend again. We went into a cafe and started talking. He was with a hot chick but she eventually left. We kept talking and we started joking as always. I told him my luck was so bad I couldn’t even get into the fake noodle shop. He was shocked that I tried and then laughed quite a bit. He thought the story was funny and couldn’t believe the old mamasan wouldn’t let me in. Finally he agreed to take me.
We met a couple of days later and eventually ended up going to the shop. It was evening and a smiling old bald dude answered the door. He let us right in. He asked my boy if I was his friend. I answered the question and smiled. Once he knew I spoke some Thai he smiled even more. Then he gladly took us through the door into the room where the chicks were all hanging out.
When I finally got inside it was a lot like the soapy massage parlors. At least in the setup. There were some chicks there. About 5 or 6. One or two of them was in their 20’s. The other ones were older. One was real old and real fat. So I have no idea who would pick her, unless they had a fetish for XL Asians or something. The price was 500 Baht and it came with 30 minutes use of a room around back.
The rooms are worse than what they have in even the most run down soapies in Thailand. And the chicks weren’t real enthusiastic. Especially about a farang. One of the chicks came right out and said “I am scared of big dick” as soon as I walked into the room. Now that really sets the mood!
The moral of the story is that I could have just gone to any of the many soapy massage parlors I already knew about. They are open to the public and easy to find. You walk right in and there are no issues. They have more women and better looking women. Plus the rooms are nicer. It’s better virtually any way you slice it. Especially for a farang like me who lacks any concept of face and couldn’t care less who sees me do what.
But curiosity got the best of me and I am glad it did. Because of my never end quest to chase the cat I was able to scope this place out and store the info in my memory banks. Now I can type it all out for you to read. Enjoy it my friends!