Tinder is scary as hell in America

I was home for the holidays and it reminded me why I will never move back to America. Forget the absolute shit show in everything from government to infrastructure. And the total breakdown in everything from civility to basic public transportation. Worst of all by far is the dating scene. Using Tinder in America actually scared me!

Now I am not some yellow bellied puss in boots. I have been traveling the world since I was nineteen. I’ve been everywhere from Medellin to Yangoon with no problemo. Sure I try to avoid true third world hells like Chicago. But I am basically able to take care of myself.

It wasn’t the crazy amount of hatred and mass violence that worried me on my last trip back to home sweet home. It was the dating pool. Now I am not verging over into the crazy incel stuff because I could never hate women. But when I swipe through over 200 profiles on Tinder and don’t see a single lady without an obvious major issue that really worries me.

Down this hole

Do you like your ladies huge? Covered in tattoos? With hobbies that include smoking weed, vaping, and getting drunk? With tricolor hair and piercings through their eyelids? Or with “dog babies”? More power to you!

swiped right by mistake

Different strokes for different folks. I would never talk shit on another person for their personal likes or sexual disposition. Even if they’re into actual shit! After all I do stuff like sticking my dick in 3 sisters. So who am I to judge?

But what if you’re just looking for an unmarried childless chick with a healthy proportional body that is unmarred by copious amounts of permanent ink? According to my findings you may be shit out of luck. Unless of course you do like me and abandon ship.

Is this for real?

Now you could discount this all the ramblings of an out of touch sexpat. Unless you actually live in the United States. Then you’d have no choice but to verify what I’ve written here.

Here’s a choice sampling of some stuff I saw on Tinder while in the US:

  • Chicks so big they didn’t fit in the frame of the picture
  • Chicks with tattoos on their actual faces
  • Chicks with incredibly rude and aggressive stuff written in their profiles
  • Chicks with weed leaf tattoos talking about weed in their profiles
  • Chicks talking about “recovery” from hard drugs in their profiles
  • “Dog moms” — whatever the fuck that is
  • Single moms with 5 children
  • Grandmothers in their 50’s rocking kids clothes and tattoos
  • University students in their 20’s rocking grey hair and tattoos

What didn’t I see? Women with friendly welcoming messages in their profiles. Nice photographs of lovely ladies in peaceful surroundings. Women wearing dresses. You know, out of this world stuff like that.

Obviously I don’t only fuck chicks that look like models. Sure I loved fucking the incredibly sexy 19 year old Thai chick. But I’ve banged a thicc Koreans and even a fat Indonesian woman.

Variety is the spice of life! But that’s the key: variety. Having one cavity is normal. Having a whole mouthful of rotten teeth is a major issue.

Google says the average American woman now weighs 171 pounds. That’s an incredible 78 kilos for you guys who want to be disgusted from other parts of the world.

It’s not only Tinder

The few women I saw on American Tinder with somewhat healthy figures were usually weird in their own ways too. Whether it was the 19 year old chick in a thong with a profile talking about “daddy$” or the middle aged lady in full yoga gear in all 5 of her pictures who could only talk about working out. Whatever happened to meeting a woman named Amy in a cafe and having a regular conversation?

Again I am not judging people. Seriously. Hear me out. I don’t really care what any one person or even group of people do as long they leave me alone. But what I see here is a sort of general malaise and obvious societal rot.

This is across several major cities in America too. So this seems to be the general thrust of the situation these days. I would hate to break it to you, but this is some sick shit.

But maybe this was just Tinder, right? Only weirdos use that app anyway. Right?

Wrong! This is the same sort of shit I saw while going about my daily life in America. Whether it was the 400 pound inattentive cashier at Starbucks or the heavily tattooed loud mouth hag with a shaved head doing airport security. And to be totally frank few of the dudes I saw looked much better. So it appears that this is what American society has become.

What’s the answer? I don’t know. I will leave that up to you guys who are brave enough to withstand the barren winds of modern day America. I’m definitely not into any of the crazy neofascist shit breaking out across the country. But then again I am now just an observer from afar. Think of me like Torqueville with a boner. Except when I’m visiting the US. Because that always leaves me with a soft dick and sick stomach.

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