Tinder is scary as hell in America
I was home for the holidays and it reminded me why I will never move back to America. Forget the absolute shit show in everything from government to infrastructure. And the total breakdown in everything from civility to basic public transportation. Worst of all by far is the dating scene. Using Tinder in America actually scared me!
Now I am not some yellow bellied puss in boots. I have been traveling the world since I was nineteen. I’ve been everywhere from Medellin to Yangoon with no problemo. Sure I try to avoid true third world hells like Chicago. But I am basically able to take care of myself.
It wasn’t the crazy amount of hatred and mass violence that worried me on my last trip back to home sweet home. It was the dating pool. Now I am not verging over into the crazy incel stuff because I could never hate women. But when I swipe through over 200 profiles on Tinder and don’t see a single lady without an obvious major issue that really worries me.
Down this hole
Do you like your ladies huge? Covered in tattoos? With hobbies that include smoking weed, vaping, and getting drunk? With tricolor hair and piercings through their eyelids? Or with “dog babies”? More power to you!
Different strokes for different folks. I would never talk shit on another person for their personal likes or sexual disposition. Even if they’re into actual shit! After all I do stuff like sticking my dick in 3 sisters. So who am I to judge?
But what if you’re just looking for an unmarried childless chick with a healthy proportional body that is unmarred by copious amounts of permanent ink? According to my findings you may be shit out of luck. Unless of course you do like me and abandon ship.
Is this for real?
Now you could discount this all the ramblings of an out of touch sexpat. Unless you actually live in the United States. Then you’d have no choice but to verify what I’ve written here.
Here’s a choice sampling of some stuff I saw on Tinder while in the US:
- Chicks so big they didn’t fit in the frame of the picture
- Chicks with tattoos on their actual faces
- Chicks with incredibly rude and aggressive stuff written in their profiles
- Chicks with weed leaf tattoos talking about weed in their profiles
- Chicks talking about “recovery” from hard drugs in their profiles
- “Dog moms” — whatever the fuck that is
- Single moms with 5 children
- Grandmothers in their 50’s rocking kids clothes and tattoos
- University students in their 20’s rocking grey hair and tattoos
What didn’t I see? Women with friendly welcoming messages in their profiles. Nice photographs of lovely ladies in peaceful surroundings. Women wearing dresses. You know, out of this world stuff like that.
Obviously I don’t only fuck chicks that look like models. Sure I loved fucking the incredibly sexy 19 year old Thai chick. But I’ve banged a thicc Koreans and even a fat Indonesian woman.
Variety is the spice of life! But that’s the key: variety. Having one cavity is normal. Having a whole mouthful of rotten teeth is a major issue.
Google says the average American woman now weighs 171 pounds. That’s an incredible 78 kilos for you guys who want to be disgusted from other parts of the world.
It’s not only Tinder
The few women I saw on American Tinder with somewhat healthy figures were usually weird in their own ways too. Whether it was the 19 year old chick in a thong with a profile talking about “daddy$” or the middle aged lady in full yoga gear in all 5 of her pictures who could only talk about working out. Whatever happened to meeting a woman named Amy in a cafe and having a regular conversation?
Again I am not judging people. Seriously. Hear me out. I don’t really care what any one person or even group of people do as long they leave me alone. But what I see here is a sort of general malaise and obvious societal rot.
This is across several major cities in America too. So this seems to be the general thrust of the situation these days. I would hate to break it to you, but this is some sick shit.
But maybe this was just Tinder, right? Only weirdos use that app anyway. Right?
Wrong! This is the same sort of shit I saw while going about my daily life in America. Whether it was the 400 pound inattentive cashier at Starbucks or the heavily tattooed loud mouth hag with a shaved head doing airport security. And to be totally frank few of the dudes I saw looked much better. So it appears that this is what American society has become.
What’s the answer? I don’t know. I will leave that up to you guys who are brave enough to withstand the barren winds of modern day America. I’m definitely not into any of the crazy neofascist shit breaking out across the country. But then again I am now just an observer from afar. Think of me like Torqueville with a boner. Except when I’m visiting the US. Because that always leaves me with a soft dick and sick stomach.
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Review of Paradise Saloon in Lawrence
You might not expect much in the way of titty bars from
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Was Abraham Lincoln into gangbangs?
Abraham Lincoln could have been into gangbangs. Hear me out. A lot
Yep imo Pinay cupid and Thai friendly are only good apps in present to search online for girls .
Definitely bro. I have some good stories from each on the back burner.
This post blew my mind. Never in a million years expected a Tocqueville name drop here, hahaha. Equally as astonishing was finding a spot on societal critique. I second every observation you detailed. Can’t wait to escape this sh*t show. You are an inspiration bro. I hope I can leave the land of frowns and get to the land of smiles one day.
Thanks bro. If you liked this post, you will love my upcoming book! I may have to borrow that “land of frowns” phrase though. Hope you don’t mind.
No problem bro, it’s all yours. I would, however, like a signed copy when you hit the bestsellers list.
While I have a lot to say I don’t expect more than a handful of people to read it. I hope you will be one of them!
Seconding all above opinions of the USA, especially with all those profiles asking “u 420 friendly?” Nein mein Freund, I can be in closer proximity to Amsterdam than Enzo-san is to a girl in bed, but I will never get past that disgusting sweet smell, gives me headaches every time I go there… weed hate supposedly started with anti-Latino sentiment 100 years ago, but looking at America now, maybe those old folks knew more than us.
Didn’t you hear? It eliminates renal cancer, baldness and even flat tires! Act now before your critical thinking skills kick in!!
Dude… US aint that bad… You are just over pampered by Asians.. 🙂
Dude, it’s worse. You just haven’t traveled enough to notice.
An underrated post. “Societal rot” sure feels accurate these days.
I don’t have a lot of experience with dating apps, but from what I gather it’s a huge time-waster in the states. Any decent looking girl is overwhelmed with dozens or maybe even hundreds of messages. Taking a look at IG comments, I believe it. To say the dating market is lopsided would be an immense understatement. And it’s not that I don’t think I can get any dates with the apps. It’s just when I look around in real life, as you alluded to, there’s hardly a large enough selection of attractive single girls (and not just counting looks) around that would actually motivate me enough to put in the effort. The juice ain’t worth the squeeze, so to speak. Maybe I’ll change my mind.
The term “passport bros” recently came across my radar. Urban dictionary shows the earliest entry was late 2022, a new term but not a new concept for those that have been traveling for years. It was only a matter of time before supply/demand principles catches on once more guys discovered they didn’t have to accept 5’s, who thought they were 9’s. I expect this trend to continue until the craziness finally slows down.
The dating pool is representative of the the quality of the populace. So yeah, it’s scary. I don’t have the answers for it either. But there’s clearly a lot of things that needs to change. Fasten your seatbelts, everybody. We’re in for a rough ride.
Thanks bro! Indeed there is a kernel of a much larger and deeper social critique here that could honestly be fleshed out into an entire book form examination of the obvious decline in the states. The feeling of existential dread in America is actually palpable these days. If I can ever pull myself away from pussy long enough to put pen to paper I plan to write just such an examination!
No doubt. There are some serious underlying problems but the focus is on the most inane issues du jour. Is it all a distraction? I hope you write that book, because there’s a whole lot more to unpack here. I’d be the first reader.
Yea America likes to ignore major issues and blow up insignificant shit instead. It’s like 3 card monte, except they plan it on 300 million people at a time.
Think NYC is alot better in this regard?
New York isn’t better than anywhere in anything. Except maybe list of the top shit holes. But even then they’d lose to Chicago.
Heard from others it was better in this regard.
Opinions, opinions… will have to see for myself.
That said, i also heard about the shitty subways and street thugs and well a whole host of other complaints. Mostly along the lines of “shit don’t work.” How did it all come to this?
America (and parts of the western world) seem more focused on useless shit like tree hugging and gender neutral toilets. WTF?
I like trees and golden showers so I don’t think those are issues at all. I’d take a closer look at the guys with small cocks who drive the smoke belching diesel trucks and billions spent on war. On the plus sides, most cities in America don’t have subways. So you don’t have to worry about them!
Ha ha ha! Yeah i will just drive a gas guzzling car then! Maybe a hummer? Plan to do some work in New York plus u know its the whole hollywood fantasy, an itch i wanna scratch. You are an excellent writer, whether by talent or hard work. I bought a couple of your books already, happy to buy one about the state of American decline. Always more to learn! Not anti-american at all, grew up believing in the American dream. Be whatever you want to be! Pursue excellence, greatness, what’s wrong with that?
“That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.” ― George Carlin
Remember when the American beauty used to be a blonde in a pencil skirt or a bikini?
Not some fucking plus size model.
And not covered in tattoos. Seems like such a long time ago. In reality it was pretty recent history. The same could really be said about places like the Philippines too though. Forget the economy. People are inflating!