How I met your British grandmother

Since I more or less left the West behind a couple of years ago, I find that I spend almost no time watching television or movies. Over the last five years, I doubt I’ve watched more than thirty minutes of television total. I have been to the theater a couple of times to watch movies with women. But not much. Most of my movie watching comes when I’m stuck on ten and twelve hour flights from one continent to another.

The thing about Western pop culture is that it is all over the place. Even though I don’t really watch television, I am of course aware that there was a very popular sitcom called “How I Met Your Mother.” It starred Doogie Howser as some kind of quirky ladies man. Even though I am quirky and have sex with over a hundred women a year, I could never be bothered to watch a single episode.

Some people say you shouldn’t knock things you until you’ve tried them. Well, I’ve never tasted cow shit but I am pretty sure it doesn’t taste good. After you live a while you get an idea of what you will and won’t like. In the case of cow dung and Doogie Howser, making the decision doesn’t even require that much in the way of life experience.

Cougars as cubs

More guys have been going for older ladies for a while now. I never heard anything about this growing up. Then American Pie dropped and every neighborhood asshole was trying to do their friend’s moms. A lot of the moms in turn responded. Next thing you know, we had the “cougar” phenomenon. Birds of a feather flock together I guess.

Now there are guys going further up in the genetic pool. They aren’t satisfied doing their mother in law and her bridge partners. So they head to the old folks home for some of that hot geriatric tail. At least that is what I am told by a friend of a friend.

As everybody knows, a MILF is a mother you would like to fuck. In Thailand, someone might take that literally. Usually it just means a woman who has already had a kid but it is still sexually attractive though. But, what do you call the mom of a MILF? That would be a GILF! And if a lady in her forties is a cougar, then a lady in her seventies must be a saber tooth tiger.

Grannies who drop panties

All of this brings me to the actual subject of this post, which is British GILFs. I don’t know what it is about merry old England, but there sure seem to be a lot of sexually active seniors over there.

I’ve already run into a couple in places like Thailand who looked like they were pretty damn horny. I saw one older English woman with massive tits in Phnom Penh buying lady drinks for bar girls would would kiss her hooters. Plus, I’m always reading about British sex clubs filled with old swingers and British people dogging out in the parks.

I have to be honest and say that I can’t think of any grandmothers I would like to fuck, at least off the top of my head. Maybe I am getting old, but when someone says the word “grandmother” to me, I picture a lady with grey hair wearing a house frock and baking chocolate chip cookies.

Maybe that will change at some point in the future. I could actually imagine a scenario that would work for me. The only thing that could make warm cookies and milk taste better would be if you had a woman with her teeth out deep throating under the covers. I might have to pursue this line of thought.