Hemorrhoids should be banned from porn

Hemorrhoids are a health issue suffered by millions of people around the world. I am not one of them. But I have suffered from seeing chicks like London Rose in porn with hemorrhoids. It is gross and an instant boner kill that I never want to see again.

A nice tight poop chute will turn me on and get me going. A regular turd cutter is easy enough to ignore. But when some chick has half of her innards hanging out of her asshole in an Asian cowgirl closeup I have to close the fucking window and find something else to do immediately.

Some people want to ban porn completely. That’s fucking outrageous! I would never sign on for such sacrilegious censorship. At the same time I would like to propose that hemorrhoids be banned from porn completely. At least on Safe Porn Sites.

Ban hemorrhoids now!

Back in the day there were physical requirements for jobs like policeman, prison guard, fashion model and stewardess. If you were too short, too fat, or otherwise unable to do the job, you wouldn’t get it. Then they got rid of all those rules. So now you have 300 pound grandmothers trying to break up fights between savage semi-human passengers on packed Southwest Air discount flights.

busted asshole

The same goes for porn. Not so long ago porn was mainly done by hot chicks with nice tits and ass. The dudes looked like shit but no one cared. Because mostly dudes watched porn and we weren’t watching the other dudes.

Well the barriers were broken down and I’m not mad about that at all. I think women ought to be able to go off and die in meaningless wars just like we men can. But I don’t feel safe when my local cop looks like a whiskey barrel with legs.

I also like seeing variety in my porn. So I watch XL Asians right along with sexy chicks like Daisy from Creampie Thais. But as soon as I see a busted rosebud or blown out O-ring I have to call it quits. This shit is so gross that it could put me off porn completely!

A mod-assed proposal

Hear me out, because I am serious about this. I don’t think we need government regulation here. But a little self editing on the parts of producers and self control on the parts of we dick beaters would do wonders.

If a chick has hemorrhoids she has no business doing porn. Even if they were induced by copious amounts of unnatural anal sex. If porn is her only way to make a living then just work around it. No close ups on her wrecked anus! Just stick to handjob and blowjob shoots. Or let her fuck missionary or cowgirl. But for the love of god keep her exploded anal veins off of the damn screen.

If porn dudes have hemorrhoids it shouldn’t matter. Because no one wants to see dude’s assholes in hetero porn anyway. So stop fucking showing them you sick bastards! Just focus on the pussy and mouth and let the hard cocks be secondary. We don’t need to see the guys face ever. Seriously. That’s why Asian Sex Diary is so successful. We don’t even know what John Tron looks like.

Finally my fellow cock jackers: when you see hemorrhoids in porn speak out. Don’t be afraid. Even if you’re watching totally free stuff on Porn Hub you should immediately press pause, vomit into your waste basket, then leave a comment about how gross this shit is. Then close the window and never watch that porn again.

We have to send a collective message that we do not want to see destroyed anal cavities in our adult entertainment. It has to start somewhere. Let it start now.

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