Hooters is horrible and doesn’t belong in Southeast Asia

I think Hooters is horrible and today I’m going to tell you why. Hooters comes from America like me. Could it be any other way? You’re talking about a country where it is legal to pay girls to take their clothes off and dance or fuck on video but illegal to pay the same girl to touch your dick. Sure, that’s not much worse than countries where porn is illegal even though you can pay for sex all over the place but my point remains.

In case you’re lucky enough not to know, Hooters is basically a shitty chain restaurant with overpriced greasy food where the waitresses rock push up bras and tight spandex shorts that look they came out of a Jane Fonda workout video.

I only have a few experiences with Hooters thankfully. The first was when a weird uncle took me to a Hooters to eat when I was young. The waitresses loved me and hugged me and shit and I even ended up taking pictures with them which I thought was cool since I was twelve.

Fast forward to when I was old enough to drink. I walked into a Hooters after getting my first paycheck at a new job. At the time I had no trouble getting chicks at all and I never dropped any money for pussy, but the Hooters waitresses wanted like nothing to do with me. They took my order and that was it. Plus the food sucked and the beer was expensive. I actually vomited the whole meal up on the way home.

Years later I saw a Hooters in a mall about a five minute walk from the go go bars on P Burgos in Manila. At the time I remember laughing to myself and wondering who would go into the place when they could see naked dancers across the street and bang them too!

That was my last experience with a Hooters until many years later. I was in Bangkok with a Thai chick who saw a Hooters open up on Sukhumvit Soi 15 and wanted to know what it was about. I filled her in, explaining the same way I did in the previous paragraphs. She was still curious. Since she had bisexual tendencies and an inkling towards big Thai tits I figured it even held out some tiny possibility of leading to me being in the middle of a two girl sandwich. Instead I ended up paying to much for a shitty regular sandwich.

Even though that Hooters was pretty much brand new is was almost dead empty. The entire space echoed with shitty music as four waitresses walked back and forth not doing much of anything besides occasionally checking out their phones. One of them was thin with absolutely no ass but she had some big boobies. Unfortunately, they were flabby and probably fell down to her belly button when she took her shelf bra off. Even more unfortunately, she never took her bra off because it’s fucking Hooters.

There was one western muscle type guy in a singlet at the bar hopelessly begging the bar tender for any kind of action which I just couldn’t figure out. I mean we were like a two minute walk from Dr BJ’s blowjob salon for fucks sake. Did he not know about Dr BJ’s? Was he into “regular chicks”? Even then why not use one of the many great Thai dating sites? I just can’t figure this out. Nor can I figure out why Hooters not only opened one restaurant in Thailand but is apparently set to have a whole string of them across Southeast Asia!

We ended up ordering some chicken wings. I guess that’s what Hooters is most known for other than tits. Well, they came swimming in two inches of grease and they taste like shit. We didn’t finish them and my female friend got almost as sick as I did when I was twenty one. Hooters is still horrible.

The waitress had a bad attitude too. She was looking all stuck up and self important as if delivering fried food in my great grandpa’s idea of a sexy outfit was somehow better than dancing in a bikini at a local go go bar and hitting the short time rooms upstairs after. Either that or she was pissed that I brought my own hotter babe and wasn’t staring at her nonstop like the dumbbell doofus over at the bar who was drooling over an average looking Thai chick with a wire under her jugs.

I got the bill and got the fuck out of there as quick as I could. We ended up going over to Magic Table and having a great time there instead. It was all smiles from the chicks dancing on the mirrored stage unlike the grim and bored scowls over at Hooters.

Since that shitty Hooters opened up on Sukhumvit others popper up too. There’s supposed to be one like right next to Nana Plaza now. What the fuck? What is the point of this shit? Who would go over pay for nasty food at a place where boobs are the only draw when there is a shopping center filled with naked and half naked chicks willing to screw customers next door? I just can’t understand. Same for the Hooters in Pattaya.

There’s more and more I can’t understand with each passing day. I am seeing big changes. Family tourism at the Ripley’s Museum in Pattaya. Hooters at Nana Plaza. What’s next? An amusement park in the middle of Geylang?

Poor people don’t want to be poor. I get it. Development can be good when it’s the right kind. Anyway, I’m not trying to get deep into that kind of shit. I just wish that the worst aspects of America wouldn’t work their way around the world and end up as piles of corporate vomit in places that were once great for guys like me.

Fuck it. At least the Hooters they’ve been claiming was “coming soon” on the hostess bar heavy Street 104 in Phnom Penh seems to have stalled out. Either that or they’re building the Sistine Chapel of big booby chicken wing joints and it’s just taking half a decade to complete because the signs have been up for like 3 years.