I spent all my stimulus money on hookers

The pandemic hit everyone hard. As an American, my reward for all the pain and suffering came in the form of two direct payments. The first for $1300 came in April 2020. The second for $600 just came in early 2021. I spent the totality of both stimulus payments on paid sex with hookers and it was awesome.

Apparently, I am not alone. The other day I woke up and jumped on Amazon. Like most money hungry major tech corporations, Amazon has some kind of crazy algorithm that sucks up your privacy and spits out product recommendations. As soon as I opened the site I saw a bunch of products supposedly catered to my tastes. Guess what was there in the middle? A shirt with big bold letters that read “I Spent My Stimulus Check on Hookers and Booze.”

Amazon’s recommendations are usually hit or miss for me. This time I have to say that they were right on the money. I mean I don’t wear garbage clothes because I dress for success for Asian women, but the subject matter was totally fitting. How did they know? What is it in my browsing and purchasing habits that helped them figure out the reality? Or maybe so many guys are doing this that the shirt fits anyone my age?

No, probably not. Back in the wasteland you get arrested and publicly shamed if you even pay for a handjob. Meanwhile, half of the female population is pushing their lewd and nude pussy pics on OnlyFans through their Twitter and Tinder accounts with no problem. It’s a hell of a society! I’m just glad they put the American money in my American bank account so I can spend it in civilized countries where paying for pussy is totally legal. It’s geoarbitrage at its best.

The booze stuff is probably right. My experience for people who find themselves in a bad way is that they usually blow whatever money they do have on things to numb the pain. That means booze, but also heroin and poker games. I can’t blame them. After all, what the fuck is $600 going to do for someone who lost their job and can’t pay rent? Over here it gets me lots of sex. But back home? You’d be lucky to get a week in a decent hotel for that.

I don’t fuck with booze much. Or other painkillers either; prescription or otherwise. My poison of choice is pink pussy. As I found out recently with my totally clean check up, that’s not really poison at all. I am busting nuts and thriving all at the same time. If this isn’t a great project that should be publicly funded then what is? Healthcare or decent education and job training for all? No way!

Of course I pay taxes. Way too many taxes considering I don’t even live in America anymore. In fact I paid way more last year than I got back in stimulus. Still, I do have to say I enjoyed getting that free money pumped right in my bank account so I could take it out of an ATM over here and use it to pump my cock right into a nice wet fuck hole. There ain’t nothing wrong it at all.

Now the new government is talking about issuing another set of stimulus checks for 1400 dollars. I really hope that plan comes to fruition. I understand that this money is meant for the people who have been hard hit by the ravages of the last year. Since I am independent and make money without going to work for the man at an hourly wage, I haven’t been hit at all. But I do pledge to spend any future stimulus funds on paid pussy that I will absolutely hit hard. Oh say can you see?