Guys, I have a confession to make. My sister was a pissmop. In case you aren’t familiar with that word, let me fill you in. Piss Mops was a internet porn site that was online from 2003 to 2005. As you might guess from the name, the idea of the site was that dudes would piss on chicks. The chicks soaked up all the warm yellow piss. You know, like a piss mop.
Back in 2004 I found out that my sister had been used to soak up urine on video in exchange for cash. It really fucked my head up and set my heart ablaze. It was right before I set off on my mission to travel the world and fuck women. Since I am still moving forward some may even think that was what woke me up and motivated me. Or maybe that it is behind my love or porno and live cams.
A day that will live in Pissfamy
I still remember how it happened like it was yesterday. A dude I knew from school saw me out in the street and kept looking at me funny and laughing. At the time I was a still a typical American so of course I got angry, asked him what the fuck he was looking at, and threatened to beat him to a pulp. His smile disappeared and he disappeared soon after. I don’t mean that I disappeared him. Just that he made quick tracks out of there.
Later in the day I ran into my good friend Zappa. I told him about the situation. He seemed uneasy. I asked him what the fuck was up. He was reluctant to tell me. But finally he spilled the beans. Word was out. My sister had been doing porn. Everyone in the neighborhood was talking about it. Especially a golden shower scene she did for some website called Piss Mops.
Now this was long before the tube sites like Porn Hub came along. Shit, I don’t even think Youtube was out yet. But still the internet and internet porn in particular were popular enough that no one could hide from its reach. As I found out that day, I couldn’t hide from it either.
When I got the news, my heart dropped down to my ball bag. I felt sick and wanted to vomit. Then I wanted to bash Zappa’s head in. Then I wanted to find out what the fuck was wrong with my sister. And I had all of these feelings and thoughts in a 2.9 second span. My head was spinning.
I quickly started to flash back and I realized something wasn’t right. First my sister’s husband left her in the middle of the night without saying anything and never came back. She lost her house and moved back in with us. Then my sister started getting weird tattoos and cutting her hair short. Finally she told me she was sick and had to stay in bed one day. About three days into it I realized she was actually recovering from breast implant surgery. My sister had big fake hooters installed.
Number 1, Number 2, or Number 3
I didn’t like any of that, but what could I do? She was an adult, a few years older than me. I was soon turning into an adult myself. And I was broke with nowhere else to go. So I just stayed there and dealt with it. Or better yet I tried to ignore it, finish high school and go one with life.
So it all sort of made sense. After her man bounced my sister went through a premature midlife crisis and turned into a weirdo. Or she let her inner freak flag fly for the first time. I can’t be sure. All I know is that she ended up as a pissmop for millions to see. Including everyone in my neighborhood.
The pissmops website was eventually done away with. And this was early enough in the internet days that something could actually be deleted and not show up again. Sure someone might be able to dig up the scenes. But they are not easily accessible on Xvideos. And thankfully so!
My sister later regretted what she did, went into counseling and became a dedicated member of the church. And the scene and the 3 others she did seemingly disappeared forever. But not before I got a chance to see them. I still remember watching them with a mixture of sick stomach and tightening underwear. Maybe that’s why we don’t talk anymore.
By now you are probably thinking one of three things. The first is that I have finally lost my mind completely. The second is that this story explains why I love sex so much. The third is that you realized this post was written on April 1 and wondered how long it would take me to say: APRIL FOOLS!
If it was the third, congratulations. You have won at life. Always remember to read the disclaimer dudes, and look out for foolishness on April Fool’s Day!