Why I will never move back to America

I will never move back to America. I have been on the road for many years. And I still have some fond memories of things back home. But simply looking at the news, talking to people back there, or especially making a visit back to the States quickly reminds me why I left. Some might call me a traitor or a loser who couldn’t make it in America. I look at myself as a survivalist who followed the means of survival like countless humans before me.

Then you have all the careerists who will tell you about the money you are leaving on the table (in a country where millions try to get by on low incomes). Or the moralists who pine on about the greatness of raising a family (in a country where many families live check to check). Worse still are the absolute maniacs who wage a holy war in the name of some religion they dug out of the caucus mountains five centuries back. Or the new religion their grandpa founded in a barn in 1941. They’re all wrong. At least in this case.

For a guy like me in a time like this the United States simply isn’t a good place to live. That’s it. There’s nothing more or less to it. Judging by all the suicides, murders, drug overdoses, cultist religions and raging protests I would imagine it is not good for a lot of other people either. They just don’t know that there is another option. I do. I have been around the world and I don’t want to go back. Here’s why.

There’s too much anger

There’s way too much anger in America. Perhaps it was good 200 years ago when it was time to revolt against an oppressive monarchy. And then again when it was time to revolt against the slave owners. But I don’t need to hand money over to some pissed off dick head teenager who is angry he has to make sandwiches for a living. Nor do I want to hear a fascist tirade from some middle aged suburban asshole stranger. Or get screamed at by some road raging lunatic taking his frustration out on traffic because his daughter snorts heroin and his wife fucks the garbage man while he is at work. Then there is the wannabe tough guy just waiting to bust a cap into anyone who dares make eye contact with him. Fuck you guys!

Is everyone angry in America? Well, not quite. I do see a couple of nice elderly grand mothers from time to time. But they can’t out-nice the aggressive fuck hats who walk around looking for battles to engage in. I am not above kicking somebody’s ass if required. But I am a lover, not a fighter. I am out looking for pussy. Not looking for other men to grapple with.

how long do empires last

America is just an angry place. I see it every time I go back. As soon as you step off the plane you’re confronted by screaming officers in jack boots trying to direct people around like cattle. Then you’re questioned why you dare set foot in America, even if you are American. What a fucking welcome! From there it is more of the same. Cheating scamming taxi drivers, homeless people aggressively approaching people for money or food, grimacing 12 year old gangsters scowling at the taxis as they roll through. Who the hell wants to put up with this shit?

Not me. There’s no place home in more way than one. I am not saying I won’t ever go back to visit. But putting up with this shit full time is enough to turn anyone into just another angry asshole. Why would I want to be like that when I can go on being a happy-go-lucky carefree lover boy?

I don’t want to get shot

I always laugh when someone back in America asks me why I am not scared of traveling to other countries. America is one of the most dangerous countries in the world. That is not just an observation from some out of touch expat. It is an actual fact. The stats themselves paint a brutal picture. Reality even more so. If you only look at the urban areas where more than half of the US population lives you are left with a really stark picture.

You’re not even safe out in the middle of nowhere. Every other day I read about some mass shooting in a little town or village I have never heard of. How many times have small towns in Colorado been shot up? How many movie theaters? Concerts? Grocery stores? And let’s not even get into the trigger happy gangsters and cops!

I have been traveling the world for years. I’ve spent most of the time bouncing around Asia. But I have also been to a lot of other countries too. Whether I am in Prague or Phnom Penh I do not have to worry about getting shot. It is simply not an idea that is even in my head. I can count on one hand the number of mass violent acts that have happened since I’ve been in the far east.

Okay there was that time some religious extremists attacked a nightclub in Indonesia just days after I visited. But I will chalk that one up as being an exception to the rule. I blew my load long before those nuts showed up. They haven’t been back since. And there was that bombing at the temple in Bangkok while I was staying right down the street. But I never prayed there anyway. And the temple is now rebuilt with no problem.

Thousands have been shot dead in America in the meantime. There were more people shot dead in Chicago while I was writing this post than there have been violent crimes in Vietnam since the last American fled the embassy in Saigon.

The women are gross

As a whole American women are big fat pigs. The obesity rate is now over 40 percent in the US of A. That is fucking ridiculous. And gross. The worst thing is that they are getting bigger by the second. In 2008 the obesity rate was 26 percent. Obesity is going up by a percentage point a year! By the time I finish writing this, the weight limits on the bridges in my hometown will have to be adjusted to support the women driving across them! Why even both with Tinder when the chicks faces won’t fit on my phone screen?

Japanese babe in American flag bikini

Not everyone is fat though, right? I mean if obesity is at 42 percent then 48 percent of people are still normal. Well, take out all the kids, all the men, and all the women over the age of 60. Now the obesity rate goes up even more. Plus, the women who aren’t big and fat are mostly Asians! Could I look for Asian American chicks? Sure. But why try to find the few thin Asian chicks in America when I can be surrounded by them over here. Plus everyone is a lot more friendly and willing to talk to the average stranger on the street.

You might think I am a bitter incel who simply can’t get laid. In reality I’ve fucked around a thousand chicks and had my cock sucked or jerked by way more than that. And I paid less than half of them! Back in the day I got plenty of pussy in America. I used to have several girlfriends at once and I would try to fuck them all in the same day. Now when I visit I don’t even bother trying. The women simply don’t turn me on. I could travel the country for a week and maybe see three women I would even want to stick my cock in. When I can fuck three sexy women at the same time whenever I want over here, what is the point? America will let you tote a machine gun around in public, shoot explosives off into the air, and take all the drugs you want. But they will not let you pay for sex.

The lack of bum gums

Not only is the average American woman the size of a small buffalo. They also walking around with dried shit smeared inside of their gigantic ass cheeks. If that doesn’t disgust you then nothing will.

Why do I say this? Because of the complete lack of bum guns in America. If you don’t know what a bum gun I feel bad for you. But I don’t blame you. I didn’t know what it was either until I washed up on the sunny shores of Southeast Asia.

A bum gum is a water sprayer located next to every toilet in Asia. Well except for maybe Japan and some really rural areas. But even they will either have a bidet or at the very least a bucket of water and a little ladle. You see, water is a necessity for human beings to clean themselves. So it only makes sense you might want to have some on hand where people defecate.

But no, not in America. There you get some cheap sandpaper with which you can rub shit around into your skin. Hygienic right? And this in a country where some of the most popular songs are sung about guys licking assholes. The shit has got to stop. Literally. But it won’t. There’s nothing your or I can do about it. So like a giant pothole on a highway that I can’t fix, I just swerve around it and keep moving.

What makes matters worse is that a lot of Americans don’t even shower. In Asia normal people shower at least twice a day. And more than that if it is particularly hot. Even farmers without electricity wash their bodies in the middle of Myanmar. But over in the US you have millionaire movie stars who don’t even bother to bathe! Two thirds of Americans don’t even shower daily! So all these big fat obese disgusting people are walking around with days of dried crap inside their hottest and sweatiest of places. This alone is enough to keep me away forever!

I say no thanks. Thanks for the fun guys but I won’t be coming back. I will continue to enjoy all the advantages of citizenship however. Whether that be raking in stimulus money to spend on hookers or using one of the most powerful passports in the world. At least until they manage to fuck that up too.

  1. OK USA
    • Call Me Enzo

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