40 million years of fapping and counting

“No Nut November” is anti-human. Primates have been masturbating for 40 million years. And we’ve been fucking for longer than that. If your great grandfather didn’t blow loads, you would not be around to read this. You better believe he was beating his meat in between fucking your great grandma too.

Man is meant to shoot loads. That’s why we come equipped with dicks and arms long enough to reach them. Dogs don’t have hands or thumbs so they lick their wieners. We can’t give ourselves head so we stroke our schlongs instead. This is nature at its best.

The whole “no fap” concept is anti-social horse shit fueled by guys who would rather spend time whining to other men than pursuing pussy. I can’t stand for that. I’m too busy looking for new women to have sex with and pounding my pud in the meantime.

To judge or not to judge

Don’t judge me. I am only following out my raison d’etre. In fact Destroy Dick December is more in touch with the characteristics of our species than any weird pseudo-religious argument against jizzing for a month. So all you dudes edging for hours while others are out buying junky Christmas gifts are on the right side of history.

The facts speak for themselves. Coitus reservatus is a relatively new concept. Jacking off and is as old as the birds and the bees. Who are we to go against nature? Refusing to cum for an entire month is no different than forcing a butterfly to stay grounded for 30 days.

Why would you not want to enjoy the pleasures of sex and even masturbation? People are all too happy to get themselves high with the use of stimulants like drugs. But the same people turn around and condemn the natural high created by fapping. That’s insane.

Getting high off your own supply

When you choke your chicken you get a boost of dopamine that cheers you up and releases stress. That’s why I stay home and edge while other guys waste time at the bar with their buddies. If there are no chicks or a chance to get sex, I’d rather hang back and stroke off. There ain’t nothing wrong with that.

There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with never shooting a wad either. If some guy wants to stay in a mountain hut and live like a monk with the conifers, then let him do it. To each his own. The problem comes when groups of reactionary weirdos turn it into a campaign and condemn those of us who live as basic humans on earth.

Especially when they’re pushing this poison to make money. Or worse to get “views” for their useless platforms. Few people read my screeds and that’s fine with me. I write what I write and stay true to my fornicating ways. If you enjoy it I am glad. If you never want to see my words again, that’s cool too. I don’t need views or cash to validate my way of life.

The world wants me to wank

When I wake up in the morning my dick is rock hard. The universe is sending me a signal. I have to do something to bury that bone! I can sink it into some soppy twat, stroke it off, or let is go to waste. You only get so many hard-ons in your life time. Why wouldn’t you put them to some kind of use? Especially if it makes you feel good.

I don’t look for things to make me miserable. The world as it stands is already capable of that. I have learned to stick to the realm of what I can control. One of those things is my own self pleasure.

I can go to the Philippines and bang Pinay chicks. I can also watch Filipina porn and toss one off. I choose to do them both, and it brings me a little bit of solace in this otherwise crazy existence. Can you blame me? LBFMs are one of the best things on this earth. Why should I turn away from them?

Stroke long and prosper

I have never heard a single argument against sex or masturbation that made sense. All the no fap claims that you gain super powers when you stop stroking are debunked junk science.

The same goes for the anti-porn claims you find in the worst realms of the internet. As I have explained in the past, porn only sucks if you’re not getting sucked. Viewing porno is a great way to spend time in this otherwise meaningless life. Even if you jack yourself into a bout of tennis elbow.

Porn actually saves me time and money. I also save money by constantly traveling from one place to another. What should I be doing instead? Slaving away for some corporate master in order to barely afford a substandard house in one of America’s crumbling cities?

No thanks. This November I will bust twice as many nuts as normal and laugh with each spurt. It’s not that I feel superior to guys who pick up garbage or hunch over office computers. It’s just that I embrace the absurdity of existence and get the most out of this life as I can.

When I was 19 I dropped out of the rat race and set about on a life of sex. In doing so I joined in with my ancestors in the 40 million year long pursuit of orgasm. I am still going strong with no plans of turning back. Let’s see how far the quest for blowing loads can take me.